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He screams at me from a double sided window pane

Except there is no window

Yet I can’t hear him

And even though he’s standing

Right in front of me

His beautiful lips shape words unintelligible

And I realize I have never seen this side

Of him

I realize I have never seen this side

Of us

In the trailer of our life that I thought

We dubbed ….forever

His eyes play double dutch with mine

As pain cripples me

Doubled over

He tells me he will hurt me

I say, you know what?

Go ahead and try

Because you can’t bruise

What’s already black and blued

And my heart no longer knows

His name

But rather it beats echoes

Of my cries and

Pumps blood through veins

Pulled by sons of Cupid and


Controlling me from the

Inside out

Verbs beat up with

Bludgeoned vowels

And he can’t even remember

My noun

My name….

I meant

He can’t even remember

My name

He can’t even remember

The person placed before him

Deserves more than these


So we become entangled

In a match of wits without


Because he’s not making

Any damn sense

And I’m still trying to reason with him

But nobody hears what the other is


I wonder if they have strait jackets

In my size

I say this to myself as the four corners

Of the living room where

I’ve just died

Close in on me

And I…..can’t….breathe

I trip over empty full cans of


Drained of barley and yeast

Filled with his weakness and

My disappointment

And I cry

I cry for the boy who

Sat in a department store for hours

Sitting in aisles bigger than his


Because he can’t close his eyes

Tight enough to forget

She left his fears in aisle 3

In the hands of GI Joes and


I cry for this boy

Who loved solar eclipses

So much so

Darkness covered his light

As he watched black eyes frame

His mother

And he blamed himself

So much so

He framed the boy in the


Until the day he removed

Dirty shoelaces from Nikes

Smudged with sand and bug


And carried them with him

For years

He carried them with him for


Just so he could hang himself


I cry for this boy

Who turned into this man

Who drowns sorrows in words

Nobody understands

Just so he could say

“I told you so”

He’s popping pills kissing cousins to

Trimipramine, Nopramine and Imipramine

And I mean…

I could only presume the suffix is

Our ending

Because all he wants to do is

Forget the beginning

And if I could go back to

If I could go back to…

If I could go back to the


I’d make it so abuse and neglect

Were never synonymous with his


And self-love and affection were never


when he spoke to me

If only he knew we completed eachother

Like subjects and predicates

Whispered by soul mates finishing eachother’s

Sentences in their slumber

Maybe then we could

Rewrite this whole story

Or at the very least…..

This poem

©2013 Neisha Purvis aka Beautiful Dizaster (listen to “Anthony” here https://soundcloud.com/beautiful-dizaster/poem-anthony-1)

Neisha Purvis is a poet and spoken word artist hailing by the name, Beautiful Dizaster. Writing since she was a child, she has performed in many venues along the east coast and hopes one day to travel the world. Best known for speaking heart wrenching tales filled with an undeniable hope, topped with a big smile at the end, she teaches us just what it means to be a beautiful disaster.